I think one of the hardest lessons to learn, in life, is how to forgive. What is the timetable for forgiveness? For some people it’s a day, several months, years or a lifetime. When do you get to the point where you say, “hey, I’m over that and I forgive you”? Some will say, it depends on the wrongdoing. However, I’m learning you can’t put a measure on someone’s feelings. Something trival to me can be a huge no, no to someone else. Trust, I’m still working out the concept but I understand the end result.
The problems come about when we fail to realize, when we don’t forgive, we are the ones who hurt the most. That ill will towards the other person festors in us and sours our outlook. We become so consumed with how we felt the instant we were hurt, that we forget how strong our love or bond was before the hurt. We live with an emptiness or missing piece to the puzzle. If something big happens in our lives, we share it with everyone, but there is always going to be someone missing. So, even when we may claim we don’t need that person in our lives, they creep in at our happiest moments because they are the missing piece.
I think the worse part of not being able to forgive, is anger or resentment towards those who can. Why feel betrayed by those who are able to let bygones be bygones? I think the answer is simple, misdirected anger, we are truly upset. Often, the phrase, “how quickly we forget” comes up. What is wrong with forgetting quickly? Sometimes you just come to the realization, that enough is enough. Then there is of the question of who should approach whom first. Being stubborn rarely has positive outcomes. The crazy thing about being stubborn is that 9 times out of 10 both parties want to talk to the other. So, don’t wait, if you ready take that step. Yeah sure you are exposing yourself, but what’s wrong with that?
Here is a little of what I’ve learned about forgiveness:
Life is very short. There is nothing like the torture of shoulda, coulda, wouldas, if you lose someone without having asked for their forgiveness or forgiven them. No matter how much we may think we won’t be affected, we will, an it WILL hurt!
- You don’t want to look back at pictures of the happiest moments in your life, an not have that dear friend or loved one there.
Forgiveness frees us mentally and spiritually. Even if you are met with a cold shoulder, you’ve done your part by extending the olive branch.
By learning to forgive, my husband and I both have family back in our lives, that we have missed. They will be around when we welcome our first child this year. Of course, not all relationships mend quickly upon forgiveness. However, without forgiveness they don’t have the chance to mend at all…..